“Healthy lifestyle” – You hear this often in the media, but what about a having a healthy sexual self?
Let’s discuss what is Healthy Sexuality and how do you achieve it?
Healthy Sexuality may have different meanings to all. The core concepts stay the same.
Healthy sexuality begins by you being fully present with your sexual voice and willing to give and receive pleasure. This requires you to really understand your sexuality and how it works and operates.
Self-pleasuring is a great way to explore how and where you would like to be touched for the best experience with or without a partner. This also assists you in communicating your needs to your partner.
Everyone is not the same and never assume your partner knows what to do, discuss it. Sexual expression should be consensual and without coercion.
You should never feel like you to have to engage in sex or a sexual act. Sex should be consensual and never forced, you should have a say in sex despite the relationship and No means just that.
Sometimes in relationships we don’t always feel aroused or have the desire to have sex. This is the time when you can have a conversation with your partner. If it isn’t a good time to talk about sex for them, give them an alternative time .
Try your best to protect your partner from feeling neglected or un-love which may turn into anger and later resentment. Discuss don’t shut down when you are not in the mood. Sex should be pleasurable for you and your partner.
To be fully present is also the key to experience all that the sexual experience has to offer. If you feel shame or guilt or past sexual trauma is not allowing you to be fully present, it may be time to look further into how your past is effecting your present. Talking to a professional can assist with getting to the root to grow and heal.
Communication is very important for a healthy sexual self and Sexuality. Your partner and you should be able to discuss sexual needs and desires in a connecting way to bring awareness and build an intimate connection. The best way to discuss sex subjects is outside the bedroom to reduce blame, guilt or performance anxiety. Discussing that sex is more than having intercourse and discussing activates like non-pleasuring touch, oral sex and even erotic massages will help you grow together and be more open to explore and educate each other on things to enhance the sexual experience. Sex is having fun, yes you can laugh, tickle and giggle.
Desire and arousal patterns may change over the years, but they both still exist. You may need to find out what works for you and your partner now instead relying on past experiences. What might have worked for you then might not work now. The frequency of sexual intercourse may have also change. Stay connected with intimate touch and activates to stay connected you are growing older and your body may also go through some changes. You may need a little extra time, lubricants or even sexual novelties to assist during intimate time. Keep an open mind and great communication with your partner and with yourself.
Hope that helps,
LMFT, CST Certified Sex Therapist